


Danse Macabre

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dancestors - Freeform, Multi, Polyamory, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, it's not totally comfortable polyamory either, minor flirting, off-screen sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: (Some of) the surviving dancestors on Earth C continue their ballet. Porrim dances with the hottest girl at the club. Kankri gives up on a possible relationship with his dream girl only to meet a new friend. Damara ditches the accent because it's not funny anymore. Homestuck Is Woke Now.





	Danse Macabre

Porrim and Kankri have been cohabitating on Earth C ever since they came crashing down to the surface a sweep prior, and during that time Porrim has been “living” it up as much as a dead girl can. Even if she is acutely aware of how Earth C has that weird ethereal vibe to it that the dream bubbles always had, it has a sense of permanence to it that is a comfort after so many, _many _sweeps of shifting through the void.

She also feels like, for the first time, she might actually have the ability to _change _and _grow. _

Kankri, on the other hand, doesn’t seem terribly interested in either.

“My dancest9r has the right idea, in the9ry,” he’s said on more than one occassion, “th9ugh he c9uld d9 with m9re n9n-vi9lent meth9ds in my 9pini9n. He must kn9w that I’m here 6y n9w, s9 I’m surprised he hasn’t s9ught 9ut my expertise 9n civil dis96edience.”

Porrim always just reminds him that Karkat is extremely busy and, as an enemy of the state, in hiding, so he may not have the methods to get in touch with this one iteration of his dancestor.

She tries not to dwell on the idea that _another _Kankri might be serving with Karkat. She feels the thought would break her friend’s heart.

Getting her oldest friend out of his comfort zone so he can lighten up for _once _has been her goal for millennia, but he has staunchly refused to go out with her for the night every time that she’s suggested it. So imagine her surprise when she mentions offhandedly that their version of Latula Pyrope had finally gotten in touch with her and was going to be at a “Halloween” – some kind of human celebration of the occult held as the nights begin to get darker – party at a club in downtown New Outglut and he’s game to go. She thought he’d gotten over his little crush on the r4d g1rl a long time ago.

If she’d known he liked her so much, she’d have felt a little worse about pitch dating her a few times over the centuries.

Porrim’s dressed him up in a black sweater with his sign on it and dark-colored pants. She carefully applies his eyeliner. She hadn’t intended it – a nice “human goth” look for the dark festival was the simple intent – but with the outfit he looks remarkably like his dancestor. Possibly identical.

KANKRI: I d9n’t see why I have t9 wear eyeliner, 9r any makeup at all. Pers9nally, I find the l99k t9 6e incredi6ly feminizing, and theref9re disrespectful 9f my ch9sen gender expressi9n, which, as y9u kn9w, is and always has 6een masculine.  
PORRIM: Do+ no+t start with me, Kanny. Bo+ys can abso+lutely wear eyeliner.

She smiles.

PORRIM: And sho+uld. I’d pro+bably be attracted to+ mo+re o+f them if they wo+re it.  
KANKRI: And have y9u c9nsidered that perhaps y9u might 6e attracted t9 masculine-expressing individuals wearing eyeliner 6ecause eyeliner is a feminine expressi9n???

Porrim smacks his cheek lightly.

PORRIM: I said do+n’t start with me. Bo+ys can wear eyeliner. And I wo+uld no+t be attracted to+ a bo+y wearing eyeliner because they “remind me o+f a girl” yo+u nutcase. I’m attracted to+ beautiful peo+ple regardless o+f ho+w they cho+o+se to+ express their gender, and I think eyeliner lo+o+ks great.  
KANKRI: Ummmmm...w9w, P9rrim. D9 I even need t9 tell y9u what a 6ad ch9ice 9f w9rds “nutcase” is?  
PORRIM: O+f co+urse that’s what yo+u to+o+k fro+m what I just said....

Porrim steps aside to allow Kankri to get a good look at himself in the mirror. His pale eyes go wide in surprise.

KANKRI: I...

He smiles for a moment. Porrim’s undead heart skips a beat. She can’t remember the last time she’s seen him do that.

Then he frowns again.

KANKRI: I l99k like my dancest9r. And while I greatly admire and respect him and all he’s acc9mplished, I can’t help 6ut think 9f all 9f the war crimes he is c9mmitting right this very m9ment when I see myself.  
PORRIM: So+ yo+u want me to+ undo+ it, then?  
KANKRI: A6s9lutely n9t. I l99k great.  
PORRIM: O+h Kanny!

Porrim throws her arms around him and kisses his cheek, staining it black from her lipstick.

KANKRI: N9 t9uching! N9 t9uching! I did n9t c9nsent t9 this!  
PORRIM: Yo+u’re right. I apo+lo+gize fo+r no+t asking befo+re I hugged yo+u.  
PORRIM: I’m just so+ excited to+ hear tho+se wo+rds o+ut o+f yo+u!  
KANKRI: That’s still n9 excuse f9r vi9lating my pers9nal space. It is 9n me whether I ch99se t9 f9rgive y9u f9r that and y9u can’t expect that 9f me.  
PORRIM: I do+n’t, and I wo+n’t expect it. Do+ yo+u fo+rgive me, tho+ugh?  
KANKRI: I d9.  
PORRIM: Thank yo+u.

There’s a moment of silence.

KANKRI: Y9u may hug me again if y9u want. Y9u have my c9nsent n9w.

Porrim hugs him. Kankri lays his head softly against her shoulder. She quietly strokes his thick black hair.

PORRIM: I’m pro+ud of yo+u, Kanny. Let’s go+ party.  
KANKRI: I d9n’t like the w9rd “party.” This is purely a s9cial experiment f9r me.  
PORRIM: O+f co+urse.

\--

Porrim and Kankri walk on into the club. A dubstep remix of a cheesy halloween song blasts over the loudspeakers. Trolls and humans dance to the beat. Kankri looks around wide eyed, his hands tucked firmly into his armpits, and remains glued to Porrim’s side.

PORRIM: YO+U O+KAY, KANNY?  
KANKRI: THIS IS MUCH L9UDER THAN I WAS EXPECTING! H9W IS INTELLECTUAL DISC9URSE SUPP9SED T9 TAKE PLACE WHEN Y9U CAN’T EVEN HEAR ANYTHING?  
PORRIM: I’M SO+RRY! DO+ YO+U WANT TO+ GO+ HO+ME? IT’S O+KAY IF YO+U DO+!

Kankri looks up at Porrim and out into the crowd and tucks his chin into his sweater.

KANKRI: I’LL TRY AND STICK IT 9UT FOR A WHILE. I WANT T9 SEE THE RESULTS 9F MY S9CIAL EXPERIMENT.  
PORRIM: I’M GLAD! DO+ YO+U WANT TO+ STAY WITH ME, O+R?

Kankri stares at the crowd with his wide, blank eyes.

KANKRI: G9 HAVE FUN. I’LL 6E FINE.  
PORRIM: O+KAY!

Porrim moves through the crowd. The song ends and the one that comes on is a little more whimsical and less loud than the previous one. Porrim bumps into a troll in front of her.

PORRIM: So+rry!

The troll turns around. It’s her old friend Damara, who is smoking a blunt and wearing only a leather bikini.

DAMARA: oh hey what’s up  
PORRIM: I’m so+rry, I tho+ught yo+u might be my Damara.  
DAMARA: pretty sure i am your damara  
PORRIM: I’m so+rry, but my Damara has an East Befo+ran accent.  
DAMARA: yeah i got rid of that  
DAMARA: dont you know its racist and that homestuck is woke now  
DAMARA: i cant do that shit anymore  
PORRIM: Are yo+u jo+king?

Damara laughs.

DAMARA: of course im fucking joking  
DAMARA: you think i give a shit about that  
DAMARA: it wasnt really all that funny of a gag in the first place and the author of this fanfic doesnt want to do the whole “type into google translate” thing anyway  
DAMARA: so yeah just talking in normal english  
DAMARA: sorry, “west beforan”  
PORRIM: O+kay, that makes sense I guess.  
DAMARA: yeah anyway lets go see what kankri is up to  
DAMARA: well get back to you in a minute  
PORRIM: Wait what?

Kankri is definitely, _definitely_, **definitely **out of his comfort zone. He’s trembling like a scared little dog, looking around him at all of the strangers’ faces with trepidation. They all seem too cool, too with it, too...obviously pr96lematic. He’d like to think that, anyway. The alternative is just that he doesn’t belong there, and he’s not the kind of person who will ever make friends.

LATULA: oh h3y k4n! you c4m3! 1ts tot4lly s1ck to s33 you 4g4in!

Kankri gulps hard.

KANKRI: 9h hey, Latula...h9w are y9u?  
LATULA: r4d 4s usu4l m4n! th3r3s just so much mor3 g4m1ng 4nd sk4t1ng i c4n do now on 34rth c!  
LATULA: 4nd 1ts not 3v3n 4lw4ys w1th th3 s4m3 p3opl3!

Kankri smiles.

KANKRI: That’s great, Latula. I’m glad that y9u’re expanding y9ur 69undaries.  
KANKRI: H9w’s Mituna handling Earth C?

Latula shrugs sadly.

LATULA: pr3tty sure 3v3ry l4st tr4c3 of my sw33t bf got blown up by lord 3ngl1sh  
LATULA: 4t th3 v3ry l34st 1 h4v3nt s33n h1m 1n th3 l4st sw33p  
KANKRI: 6h Latula, I’m s9 s9rry. That’s s9 awful. My sincere c9nd9lences.  
LATULA: 3h, 1t 1s wh4t 1t 1s! Hom3stuck 1s wok3 now, so g4m3r boys w1th qu3st1on4bl3 d1s4b1l1ty pol1t1cs 4r3 out.  
KANKRI: Well that’s n9t fair! Representati9n is imp9rtant!  
LATULA: do you r34lly th1nk th4t m1tun4 w4s good r3pr3s3nt4t1on for 4nyon3 k4n?

Kankri looks askance.

LATULA: 3h 1ts prob4bly mor3 th4t th3 wr1t3r of th1s f4nf1c d1dnt w4nt to do h1s qu1rk.  
LATULA: 1 m34n cronus 1s r1ght ov3r th3r3, out of cont3xt, but d3f1n1t3ly th3r3! cronus 1s th3 worst of 4ll of us!  
LATULA: just dont th1nk 4bout 1t too h4rd k4n!  
KANKRI: Aren’t we g9ing just a little hard 9n the meta here? There c9mes a p9int where it st9ps 6eing clever and su6versive and just starts 6eing an unfunny crutch.  
LATULA: k4n 1m sorry to t3ll you th1s dud3 but w3 4r3 th3 most m3t4 p4rt of th3 fr4nch1s3  
LATULA: on3 of us 1s b4s1c4lly 4n rpf  
KANKRI: rpf?  
LATULA: r34l p3rson f1c  
LATULA: 1m t4lk1ng 4bout -  
KANKRI: I kn9w.  
LATULA: ok cool  
LATULA: so do you w4nt to d4nc3 dud3???  
KANKRI: Dance? Me? With y9u? Dance?  
LATULA: y34h why not? 1m s1ngl3 now 4nd your3 look1ng tot4lly gn4rly 1n your r4d 3y3l1n3r....  
LATULA: boys should w34r 3y3l1n3r mor3 oft3n!

Kankri’s eyes flit back and forth from Latula’s face. Ghost sweat drips from every one of his ghost pores. Why did he wear a sweater to a packed room again? Why was that ever a good idea? Was Horuss at this party? He didn’t really want to see him, but he could always count on a Zahhak to have a spare towel.

KANKRI: I...  
LATULA: y34h???  
KANKRI: ihavet9g9n9w6yelatula

Kankri scuttles away into the crowd with surprising speed. Latula frowns.

LATULA: oh w3ll.

She turns to a troll girl dancing next to her.

LATULA: do you w4nt to d4nc3 w1th m3?  
SWIFER: With a lady as pretty as you? Would I ever!

Porrim is looking around the club. Most of the people here aren’t really her type. Earth C trolls have a different style than Beforan trolls did and humans are just not as appealing to her as trolls. The cultural divide gets to her sometimes too. It’s not like she’s looking for a moirail at the club tonight, but she still needs to feel a connection with whomever she chooses to engage intimately. She heard that Meenah was back in town, and _alive _ to boot. Is she at this party, Porrim wonders? She’d always felt little red and black crushes for the Beforan heiress, and maybe she might be up for seeing where that goes tonight? She scans the room for a fish to catch.

Then she sees someone all together different.

She’s clearly human, but possesses the ears of a barkbeast. She wears a blue crop top and tight black shorts and her dance moves put all of the people around her to shame. If there's a belle at this ball, it’s clearly her. Porrim is actually pretty sure she’s met her before, too. It was definitely a different her - no ears, and she was considerably younger - but she was definitely the same girl.

When the song ends and the girl shakes herself like a wet dog, Porrim approaches.

PORRIM: Hey. Jade Harley, right?  
JADE: thats me! :D have we met before???  
PORRIM: I’ve never met this yo+u befo+re, but I’ve met o+ther versio+ns o+f yo+u.

Jade tilts her head curiously and notices Porrim’s blank eyes.

JADE: oh! youre dead! so you met a dead me before???  
PORRIM: Yes I have. She hadn't gro+wn to+ be as beautiful as yo+u, tho+ugh.  
JADE: oh?  


Porrim leans in close to Jade and her rainbow drinker hearing picks up on Jade’s quickened heartbeat.

PORRIM: yo+u’re so+ ho+t yo+u co+uld raise the dead.

She smirks.

PORRIM: yo+u’re certainly raising me.

Jade laughs.

JADE: i bet you tell that to all the girls!  
PORRIM: yo+u have to+ admit it’s a pretty go+o+d pick-up line fo+r a gho+st.  
JADE: it is!  
PORRIM: So+ are yo+u here with so+meo+ne to+night, o+r...?  
JADE: oh yeah i am sorry :(

Jade points to the DJ. He’s a young man in aviator shades who skillfully works the turntables.

JADE: my partner, dave. im just here to dance! sorry!

Porrim shrugs.

PORRIM: All right. Thank yo+u fo+r letting me kno+w!

Porrim turns around, disappointed. What can you do, though? At least the boy was pretty good looking too. She’d hate to think of a beauty like that with some gremlin who didn’t deserve her. As she walks away, Jade calls out to her.

JADE: wait!  
PORRIM: What’s up?  
JADE: oh i just...i didn’t get your name.  
PORRIM: It’s Po+rrim Maryam.  
JADE: oh! youre kanaya’s ancestor. descendant? um....  
PORRIM: We've co+ined the term “dancesto+r” and it’s caught o+n sufficiently.  
JADE: okay well...kanaya’s dancestor porrim...i just wanted to know if you’d still like to dance with me!!!  
PORRIM: That might be fun. But what abo+ut Dave?  
JADE: well dave and i....  
JADE: i mean....

She gives a shy smile.

JADE: we’ve had understandings before. and we’ve talked about maybe having a third again....  
JADE: not that you should feel in ANY WAY obligated to even THINK about that! omg omg i am so sorry i did NOT mean for it to come out like that!  
PORRIM: It’s o+kay.  
JADE: and i mean...if we just dance....  
PORRIM: O+kay. And what if I want mo+re than just dancing? I do+n’t want to put either o+f us in a unco+mfortable situatio+n.  
JADE: then....

Jade looks Porrim up and down. Her heart is racing pretty fast now. She looks over at Dave.

JADE: can you just...give me two minutes?   
PORRIM: I’d lo+ve no+thing mo+re.  
JADE: okay hold on.

**\--- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] ---**

GG: dave are you able to answer???  
TG: yeah im here  
TG: your dudes a master of multitasking  
TG: i can spin i can text  
TG: i can even make toast  
GG: mmm toast hehe  
TG: pretty sweet right  
GG: yeah!!!  
TG: so whats up  
GG: oh uh  
GG: do you see this girl im with  
TG: the troll  
GG: yeah  
GG: what do you think of her?  
TG: i mean shes super fucking hot  
TG: why  
GG: oh i just  
GG: im thinking i might want to like  
GG: i dont know  
GG: fuck her???  
TG: what  
GG: i mean she’s coming on to me PRETTY hard right now and like  
TG: jade  
GG: and i mean like look at her dave!  
GG: shes so fucking hot!!!  
GG: how can i NOT fuck her  
TG: i dont know maybe because  
TG: and im just spitballing here  
TG: youre in a long term monogamous relationship  
TG: and we havent had one of your “understandings” in years  
TG: not since you know  
TG: karkat left  
GG: yeah...  
GG: youre right dave im sorry  
GG: youre the love of my life and nothing will ever change that  
TG: yeah i know  
GG: shes just...mmmf!  
TG: just go fuck her jade  
GG: are you sure???  
TG: yeah go get it out of your system idgaf  
GG: are you really sure?  
TG: do i ever care about this sort of thing  
GG: i mean kinda???  
TG: nah  
TG: just do it  
TG: have fun  
TG: ill just stay here and keep doing this dj gig im doing for some unexplained reason  
GG: all right dave...if youre sure....  
GG: i feel bad :(  
TG: hey  
TG: i love you  
TG: ill see you tomorrow  
GG: thank you dave  
TG: get along little doggy  
GG: <333

**\--- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] ---**

Jade’s heart is racing. She looks back at Porrim and her face fully flushes. She looks to Dave who gives her a thumbs up from the dj booth. She walks back over to her troll suitor and smiles.

JADE: ok so...if you want to dance....  
PORRIM: Yes?  
JADE: im...hehe...im all yours for the night.  
JADE: if you want me.

Porrim closes the distance between them, getting so close that Jade can feel her ghostly breath.

PORRIM: I really, really do+.

Jade and Porrim dance for a bit, and head out together twenty minutes later. Poor Kankri is still wandering around awkwardly. He’d hate to think that his roommate and alleged best friend in life and death would have been so unbelievably troll horny that she would leave him there all by himself. Then again, he did tell her that he would be fine, so maybe he brought this upon himself?

DAMARA: hey dude your girlfriend skipped off to fuck jade  
DAMARA: sorry man  
KANKRI: my girlfr- y9u mean P9rrim? Wait, Damara, what happened t9 y9ur accent?  
DAMARA: it was a dumb joke and im not doing it anymore  
DAMARA: anyway isnt porrim your moirail  
KANKRI: Ummmmmmmmmm....that’s incredi6ly pr96blematic that y9u w9uld even SUGGEST that P9rrim is anything 9ther than a treasured PLAT9NIC friend. I am 9n rec9rd as saying MANY times that I am uninterested in quadrant relati9nships!  
DAMARA: oh yeah sorry dude  
DAMARA: i dont actually give a shit if im problematic im one of the most problematic characters in homestuck  
DAMARA: but i thought you only meant the concupiscient relationships because you only said you were celibate  
KANKRI: I...  
KANKRI: 9h.  
KANKRI: I guess that’s true.  
KANKRI: ...  
KANKRI: P9rrim is n9t my m9irail!  
DAMARA: fine dude dont have a fucking cow about it holy shit  
DAMARA: anyway whatever have fun here comes dave  
KANKRI: Wh9?

Dave stops where he is the moment he sees Kankri. He lowers his shades to take a closer look, and then cracks into an enormous smile as he jogs over to him.

DAVE: dude  
DAVE: what the fuck is up my man  
DAVE: my bro  
DAVE: my  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: sorry you probably dont even want to see me   
DAVE: but   
DAVE: i   
DAVE: i just wanted to say hey  
DAVE: if thats okay with you  
KANKRI: I’m s9rry, 6ut this uns9licitated interacti9n 6etween strangers is really unc9mf9rta6le. I w9uld prefer that we first engage with the standard c9urse of intr9ducti9ns if we must engage at all.

Dave instantly deflates. He readjusts his shades and sighs.

DAVE: great  
DAVE: youre the annoying guy  
DAVE: from the dreambubbles  
DAVE: sorry man i thought you were my friend  
KANKRI: Karkat?  
DAVE: yeah  
KANKRI: Is he here? I’d like t9 speak with him if he’s here.  
DAVE: i doubt it  
DAVE: dude isnt anywhere anymore  
DAVE: sometimes he sends his people out to do recon and stuff but  
DAVE: the man himself  
DAVE: not happening  
DAVE: thats why i was so surprised to see you   
DAVE: but its good dude  
DAVE: sorry to bother you

Dave starts to walk away.

KANKRI: Hey, wait a minute!  
DAVE: whats up  
KANKRI: I just....

Kankri looks down at the floor.

KANKRI: Y9ure the first pers9n I 6arely kn9w wh9 I’ve sp9ken t9 since c9ming t9 Earth C.  
KANKRI: And yes that was 6ecause y9u c9nfused me f9r my dancest9r s9 I understand if y9u’d like t9 cease this interacti9n entirely if it is 9utside 9f y9ur c9mf9rt level. It is c9mpletely and t9tally valid t9 d9 s9.  
KANKRI: 6ut...  
DAVE: you want to hang out  
KANKRI: I am n9t ruling it 9ut.  
DAVE: yeah sure  
DAVE: im dave  
DAVE: im the dj here for some reason  
KANKRI: Kankri  
DAVE: man your name even sounds like his  
DAVE: its gonna be weird hanging out with his twin brother  
KANKRI: Technically speaking I 6elieve the nature 9f 9ur relati9n is quite unlike that 9f human twins.  
DAVE: yeah tell me about it  
KANKRI: I w9uld l9ve t9, 6ut it sure is l9ud in here and isn’t exactly the 6est place f9r an intellectual discussi9n.

Dave quirks a big bushy eyebrow.

DAVE: are you asking me to go home with you  
KANKRI: I resent the conn9tati9ns 9f that phrase.  
KANKRI: And I’d rather n9t 6ring y9u t9 my hive.  
KANKRI: 6ut I w9uldn’t mind LEAVING with y9u...I supp9se.  
DAVE: ok dude  
DAVE: sounds good  
DAVE: im sick of this stupid dj gig anyway  
DAVE: like what are they even gonna do  
DAVE: pay me  
DAVE: i have tons of money  
KANKRI: Perhaps we may discuss the systematic pr96lems exacer6ated 6y the ec9n9my, then, given y9ur extensive wealth privilege?  
DAVE: dude  


Dave smiles.

DAVE: i would love nothing more


End file.
